Phendrana Drifts

I am the sole employee of my organization, so we contract out our payroll. It is relatively inexpensive and effective, and from what I can tell, almost all non-profits do it. We started with our current provider in November, and the first two months went exactly as planned. Then January I was paid late.

I called them after getting my paycheque on the last day of the month, rather than the two days before that my contract specifies. They soothe me, say they will fix it. At the end of February I will be paid two days before the last business day of the month.

February 25 rolls around and I get my pay stub (which usually arrives a day or so early) and it says, get this, that I am being paid for time worked up to February 26, but the pay date is March 1. Grr. They mixed the two days up. Grr.

I call again, act angry (well I actually was) and they agree to courier me my cheque because direct deposit isn't possible to be sped up. It arrives on February 28 and they promise it will be fixed.

I call again in mid-March. Just to confirm. Calm soothing voice assures me all is good. I should be paid on March 29.

March 29, no pay. March 30, no pay. March 31, no pay. I call. I ask how hard is it? You take my annual salary, divide by 12, deduct what the government thinks it deserves, and toss the rest in my account two days before the last business day of the month. They explain that when they last diddled with my file the status was changed from automatic to manual. So if I never called to complain I would have never been paid? Yes.

They can't courier me a cheque (back to that routine) the same day, but one should arrive tomorrow morning. Grr.

So that morning, yesterday morning, April 1, the day my rent is due, starts. I go through my day. Nervous. I go down and get some coffee. The Purolator guy goes up and think smugly to myself, ah there is my paycheque. I finish my coffee, confident my pay cheque is waiting for me. But instead there is a note. My signature was required. There is only a piece of paper.

I call Purolator, they can't send the driver back, but the package is available to be picked up at 5:30. My bank closes at 6:00. I call QP, he agrees to come and get me and drive me in my quest. All goes according to plan. Depsite rush hour and long distances, we get my cheque to the bank at 5:40. I ask if there is a hold on it, because like I said, I got to pay rent.

I call Allie on the cell phone to order pizza, because now we are paid. And there is money in our account. I get home, and try and pay for the pizza, but the cold words of "Insufficient funds" appears on the pizza guy's machine. Grr.

I call the bank, and indeed there is no hold on the cheque, but they won't be able to process deposits that happen after 4:30 until midnight. Midnight? Who is working then to go, yup, Duncan deposited his paycheque alright?

At 9:30 this morning I solemnly celebrated my pay cheque, by now 60 hours late, with the arrival of new Star Wars toys.

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